I don't know what's wrong. I am still sick. why does it always happen to me? why does it always take so long to get better ? why does it always happen at such bad timings? e last time i fell ill was during orientation. why why why why why why why why why.....FUCKING WHY?

i am pissed. I am missing out on so much that's going on in school....lessons...work...trainings...birthday party...chance to run for faction cause i didn't bloody submit the form cause i wasn't in school etc. next week i'll be missing out on even more...i can imagine how i'll feel sitting on the bench the whole time not getting a chance to fight and play the game that i love. But then i realize i don't deserve that chance. And why is that ? simple...i was sick...i didn't go for training.... i didn't.........................................

i am filled with regret. I don't feel like talking to anybody. I feel like a disappointment to everyone and everything...i feel like a disappointment to myself. Because of this sickness i have given up a lot. Its just a flu you might argue. But to me a flu, takes ages to get better. -sigh- maybe i am just a weakling.....





posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Friday, March 14, 2003

well well...guess what.....i've been sick for 2 whole days and up till now i'm still sick...feeling quite screwed up physically but i guess its not that bad since i get to skip school... went to make mouthguards just now and now we're bumming around in sherman's house...adil raihan sherman david n me...they're playing winning 11 while i update the blog..*yawn* still haf to go back to watch training later... i feel so weak... i just want to get better and back to the plan of improving my fitness. Upon this reflection, i must admit that i ought to start listening to my mother regarding health matters... i had better take my vitamins and drink my fruit juices or else i'll be down with this sickness again in a short matter of time.........

just read the blog of one the ri sec4 ruggers........very sad... and screw the sportsmanship crap what's the point if you have a lousy offical and your very dreams depended on that moron making fair decisions ??? hope the A team of Raffles doesn't have to face this sort of bullshit ....... i missed monday's training so i don't know how the team is moving on but i hope its good..... anyway i hope a large proportion of the ri team will make it to RJ next year with some AC players... we can definitely play on their aggressiveness and desire to seek a redress for their grievances in this year's season.

shall go n burn my Jay chou cd now while i have the chance...........

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Evanescence - Bring Me To life

How can you see into my eyes
like open doors.
Leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb.
Without a soul
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up.
Wake me up inside.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up inside.
Save me.
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Wake me up.
Bid my blood to run.
I can't wake up.
Before I come undone.
Save me.
Save me from the nothing I've become.)

Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul

Don't let me die here
There must be something wrong.
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.

Bring me to life

Time really flies...the first 9 weeks of school at RJC has passed and the March holidays are just on the horzion. Life has degraded significantly since the beginning, with the workload piling up, I have got many essays due next week. I hardly have time to reflect on what I've been doing and what has been going on around me. There's hardly time for me to ask her out...saturdays are a no go cause she has training and sundays are the only time for us to get our work done. -sigh- i realize maybe i haven't been managing my time properly. Since I now have more free periods a week i guess i should work hard during those periods and not slack around. Going to listen to good advice from the seniors to head straight to the library and not step into the canteen at all. Gotta study ... Gotta study ...

I have got to admit, rugby training is taking a lot out of me, time and energy just seems to flow away during those 2 to 3 hours of traning on the field on mondays wednesdays and fridays... alvin loke got his first big break to make the team on friday...but i just wonder if he'll stand up to the baptism of fire when the time comes...seems hardly likely though..... I don't know what to do....i'm tired....i'm brain dead...... -sigh-

this holiday isn't going to prove to be respite though as we're going to Malaysia on tour to prepare for the A division tournament which is just around the corner. C division was fun, B division was competition, i'm sure A division is war. The seniors talk of the 2002 season, talk of mowing down teams by 140-0, talk of domination...i just hope we'll be able to stand up to the test....and i hope i'll be out there when the going gets tough.

Since i won't be going around in march i guess i won't get much of a chance to go out and have fun. -sigh- I don't know the situation going on between me and her...its going slowly but i just hope its going slowly in the right direction. we went to the HCJc talent time yesterday and i guess it was quite fun....i was feeling damn sick at that time though...oh well...i just hope my life works out in the end. Hope i'll soon get my awareness of life back.





posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, March 09, 2003