ok time out on the new crush. i'm just trying to lie myself that i've gotten over something that doesn't exist. -yawn- i'm sorry bingliang but after a large amount of consideration i will not take up your offer to become a full fledged man whore. i'm not so sex crazed =P hahaz gillian believed my new crush is a brazillian currently studying in uwc now. hahaz sorry gill its damn funny. n alvin i'm happier nowadays probably cause i realize there's a lot people around me i can turn to for help no matter what the trouble is.


was talking to my favourite cat over ICQ just now...looks like he's having a hell of a time over there but still finding it difficult to adapt. oh well jia di i'm sure you'll do fine! n thanks so much for ur tips. hahaz as always ur the one providing the tips. haiz his description of the lessons over there are so tempting. no sitting and stoning, instead speaking up counts for 10% of term grades. imagine having a whole day of mc connell & rollason's lessons...now ain't that heavenly...i'll be so much more motivated to go to school. shit manz singapore really ranks bottom in terms of freedom of expression, gotta work to get e hell out of here. going to coffee club to read my book just like last week...den goin to watch SAFSA vs Blacks premier game at SPE... bet thomas n jasper they all are damn psyched up...hope they play well... haven't talked to em in a long time manz lookin forward to that after e game


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Friday, August 29, 2003

check out my crush !

she's hot n she's got attitude ! i just luv her manz

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Friday, August 29, 2003

words that characterize my life
profanities hate discrimination brutality violence demented

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Friday, August 29, 2003

silence permeates

the phalanx blindly advances and smashes into the relentless waves of adversity. wave upon wave they don't stop coming. failing maths. ailing and non-existant love life. i face them all. the battered exterior surprisingly holds up against the onslaught. its then that you realize that a phalanx is not a one man show, a phalanx is a team. i guess i only realized it today when the flood of advice poured in from all possible avenues. if one falls, the whole phalanx fails to exist as an effective fighting unit. i will not fall. not to trivial problems like failing maths and a crush whom i have attempted to banish to the edge of my thoughts. not when there are people rooting for me. my life IS in tatters but i don't feel sorry for myself. once again its time to fight, to take up the struggle. The Imperial German Empire was built upon blood & iron. Similarily that's what i'll build my dreams upon, the sweat blood and tears of the suffering and experience & the iron mettle and determined spirit honed in hours of strenuous training out there in the field, in the gym or in the classroom. i'm falling deeper into this trap but its time to re-focus the energies and thoughts to what i can control. there are things to fight for. its time to go out there and get it.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, August 28, 2003

hopefully today isn't a prelude to the situation next year where there'll only be e 2 of us sitting on the left side of the classroom cause e 2 buggers would haf left for america. oh well...that's still very far away! shan't think bout it. focus on the real deal like studying math and doing GP...looks like i'll be in school late tomorrow manz need the time to mug math.


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, August 25, 2003

the spinning of the chopper's rotar blades broke the morning's silence. with his rifle slung across his back and a few personal belongings clutched to his chest he heaved himself onto the bird of war as it began its ascend into the dawn of day. the men all lay in deep thought as the salty sea breeze caressed their faces. The only constant was the spinning blades as it drove the men onwards. Leaning against the back of the cabin, he took out a picture of a sweet girl barely 17 years of age. was it her smile or the manner her hair curled that brought a weary smile to his ashened face, no one knows. it seemed like an eternity as the nostalgia swept over him, a dream of the past that helped ease the daily suffering. beneath him the turquoise blue expanse shifted calmly and glimmered in the light of the rising sun. all he could hear in the background was the consistent spinning of the rotar blades.

a sense of deja vu seemed to permeate the atmosphere of the cabin as the spinning of the chopper's rotar blades was the only sound that broke the morning's silence. the screaming had stopped only moments before. the cabin floor was red washed with the men laid out like meat from the slaughter. with his rifle by his side and a photo clutched to his chest, his smile returned to his battle weary face for the first time since yesterday morning. once again her beauty and the thoughts that it spurned plunged him further into a dream-like state. gradually the smile faded into an expression that lacked any semblance of emotion. his grip on the photo grew weak and limp. the ensuring wind took it away from him. just like the way time & events took away his youth and idealism. all without his asking or permission. slowly it floated downwards. the picture becoming less and less discrenable until it was a mere dot in the turquoise blue expanse beneath him that shifted calmly and glimmered in the light of the rising sun. And all that was audible in the background was the consistent droning of the rotar blades.

(just had a sudden burst of inspiration to write this. )


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, August 25, 2003

there are some things in life that you just don't deserve to have. i know i don't deserve to even know you. still i remain persistent in this lost and confused search to understand you better. 4 hours of careful consideration sitting at coffee club watching the crowds go by on a saturday afternoon tells me to let the search take a back seat. but i still can't let go. its time to return to hiding behind the facade of daily activities and finding solace in the odd conversation or two. like what i told my friend on saturday night, i'm not scared of physical pain heaped on me on the rugby field or in a fight but i'm scared of emotions and feelings. so its back to the hole again since i cannot find the courage to face it. coward.

Deep Inside Of You by Third Eye Blind plays in the background.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, August 24, 2003