its over. in 60 minutes the hand of fate chose a winner. they played the game of their lives. they truely did. i am so proud of them, it reminds me of why i play this sport. today i found my true inspiration. the image of their faces at the blow of the final whistle is etched in my memory especially that of zihon and tziyang, i will take it with me to every training and i will draw my strength from there. guys in ur hearts you know who the true champions are. the ones who played with passion, heart and intergrity. that 60 minutes on friday, it has changed my life completely. i think now i can truely say i understand what it actually means to be a Rafflesian rugger. and so the quest begins to fulfill that destiny of truely becoming one.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Saturday, May 31, 2003

i guess God is watching. Its now thursday night and I am calm and relaxed but at the same time focused on the job to be done tomorrow. He has given me strength to get away my biggest distraction and pushed back the deadlines for the assignments. from outside e rugby circle, i am blessed with support from the friends and teachers that some of my teammates lack. especially mr. rollason, mr mcconnell and mr evans. most importantly i have put away my biggest distraction today. and it has made today one of the best days of my life. i came into school and one of the first few people i saw, was her. said hi. during the free period, the first person i saw was her. i used james MRT idea and i finally got her hp no. . slowly guy. take it slow. you're doing well for now. good enough for now. her parting words " if i don't see you tomorrow, good luck k?" i am calm i am composed i am focused on tomorrow. no not pumped up but aware and ready to go, keeping the fire buried for when i will use it.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, May 29, 2003

"From this day to the ending of the World,
.... we in it shall be remembered
.... we band of brothers."

Henry V
William Shakespeare

the past 5 months have gone by at a blistering pace and now its thursday night, 29th May 2003. the eve of the 2003 A division finals. Yesterday was the j2's last training. though i'm not a j2 or 18 year old the memory of those few minutes will be firmly etched in my mind for the rest of my life. such moments make up the Raffleisan rugby folklore and tradition. I could see some of the seniors holding back tears. tears of joy for the great camaderie and friendships 6 years of toil on the rugby field has brought them. tears of sadness for the twilight of their school rugby careers and of the last chance to don the school colours and fight for its name. tears of nostalgia for their younger days as boys fighting to become men. tears in remembrance of all the seniors that have stepped though this portal of rugby in Raffles. tears of frustration for the pain and heart break the past 5 years have brought them, not to mention the great sacrifices they have made for the team and the burning desire to set things straight once and for all on friday. I have never seen tough guys ( and i mean VERY tough guys ) reduced to sobs in between their speechs, no its not a sign of weakness, its an expression of passion. Everything that was said tugged at our heart strings. They talked of their lost hope in J1, the state of desolution of the team at the beginning of the year and the hard work and effort that we have put in to carry the team so far. The family antique talked of the experiences that he had went through, about defiance in the face of defeat, about giving everything we have and leaving the field with no regrets. Inspirational stories from batches before us. Justin talked about how the J1s were very international but how we're now a team. The dinners after our long and punishing trainings, the hours some of us forwards spent in the weights room ( especially tziyang ), the crap we do and say all so often, the trip to Malaysia and all the bullshit that we did there. Yeow Kuan's flashing of his dick to the KL rush hour traffic, the stripping of various people, the horrible tour guide ,the bus with its spoilt aircon, the hours in front of the PS2. More recently, the Karmel song composed by tziyang and yeow kuan with leon on the guitar before our HCJC game. All this is what rugby means to us, and more. And also how much that gold medal means to each and everyone of us in the RJC rugby batch of 2003, especially the J2s. rest assured though i may not be starting, if called upon to step into that field to uphold the name of our school i will do my utmost best to make sure AC bleeds and pays for the pain they have brought all of us in the past. I will make hard punishing tackles, shrugging runs, deal to them in the scrums, line outs, mauls and rucks, and most important of all, support my comrade in arms. I will put all effort into securing the gold, that will allow our dear seniors to sing their swansong with no regrets and their heads held high. our team is a family. Pain is temporary, glory is forever. ACJC Gloria Mundi. RJC Carpe Diem.



posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, May 29, 2003

monday blues or something worse ?

i feel like a twig on the verge of snapping in two. being pulled in 2 directions is not a great experience trust me. the finals are on friday. i need to focus on that. but i cannot ignore the essay deadlines coming up. luckily i finished international history on sunday or else things will be much worse. and thank you mr. rollason for postponing the european history essay. it really gives me a much greater breathing space. but there's still the book review due on thursday. not to mention the 2 tests coming up. economics on thursday and european history next thursday. i think i know what i'll do. i'll skip the tests. who cares how well you do for a class test anyway. either way i need time to study for my econs or else it will just be another D or worse. then there's the SAT I and GP common test. GP common test on wednesday i guess i'll just take it and see how well i fare. now the SAT Is are the most important out of all these tests. its half of my ticket out of here. i am going to buy time for me to study it. there's this weekend. and next thursday and friday. 4 days more than enough i hope. ahh it feels better to list down the things to do and my course of action... i will face up to reality and fight it. i will fight it my way and get it done...my way.

maybe one minor reason to compound the feelings of depression is my failure to open my mouth and ask for her number despite the obvious opportunity. oh well i shall try again tomorrow and hope i don't get cold feet and butterflies in the stomach at the last moment again.

tuesday is a new day. and it will be a better day.






posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, May 26, 2003