smitten by the scent of the rose. shackled and addicted to a desire that can never be fulfilled. what will it take to release me from this dream imprisonment that i don't want to leave?

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Saturday, February 21, 2004

on the way home i saw him standing there alone in the saturday afternoon heat with many balls lined up in front of him. meticulously he tried for goal from every possible angle. kicks sailed in, kicks hit the post and kicks went out. still he kept at it. the level of dedication and commitment is impeccable. he could be in town, watching a movie, playing lan or pool or chilling with his girlfriend if he had one. but here he was practising his kicks, honing them to perfection on a saturday afternoon. it takes greatness to beat greatness, and this kind of spirit will take a hell lot to beat. if only we could all be like him.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Saturday, February 21, 2004

quote of the day goes to joel louis- "in life, we have winners in order to point out the losers."

nobody ever said life was fair. there's no such thing as a win-win situation in a conflict, kill or be killed. its a dog eat dog world out there and you've got to be at the top of the food chain. the only way up there is through hard work and to maintain that pole position is through even greater effort and arrogance to match the endeavour. someone once told me, what you all are lacking is the certain arrogance of a winner. when you get on that field its your field, you rule it, dominate it, kill everything not clad in the same colours which move. tomorrow let's try to get back there...commanding and in charge. talking. inspiring. everyone has a part to play but there are just some people that have got to get it started. we will be winners.

its hard to let go, to acknowledge that whatever you ever felt was still-birth. you just keep giving without ever considering if you'll ever get anything back, oblivious to the fact that its all in vain. its not even love, because love is a 2 way street. its just an abstract feeling, blind to the reality that you'll never get anything in return. blind to reality that every little thing she does or say aren't actually seeds of hope because her heart is already safely tucked away in another's. you wonder why you continue to hang on by the last thread of hope instead of letting go and accepting the facts. i guess its faith in the idea that someday she'll realize and change her mind. impossible, yes but if faith fails...all else will. tomorrow i will bury the feelings and train hard, holding on to the faith that we will triumph, but there's no gurantee that the abstract feeling won't materialize again. for now i remain the loser.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Friday, February 20, 2004

the 101st airborne was the toughest American army unit in World War 2 and what made them that way was the tough training at Camp Toccoa and later the brutal battles in Normandy, Arnhem and Bastogone. think i quoted this before but i will do it again because this is exactly what i'm searching for.

"anything was better than the blood and carnage, the grime and filth, the impossible demands made on the body --- anything, that is, except letting down their buddies...They also found in combat the closest brotherhood they ever knew. They found selflessness. They found they could love the other guy in their foxhole more than themselves. They found that in war, men who loved life would give their lives for them."

but as of now... i can't seem to find it yet... but i'll keep digging.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, February 19, 2004

i think the competitor's creed that we had to go through during the colours presentation is kind of idealistic. well i certainly believe mine is more realistic, instead of "win with grace and lose with dignity", isn't "win with arrogance and never lose" so much better? i mean since when did championship winning teams ever show any mercy or grace??? likewise i believe in the complete annihilation and destruction of the enemy. we blind them with our pace & hit them so hard that they crumble in path of the tempest. make defeat the only reward for your enemy, "fight with the best, die like the rest." respect when it's due. so what if i'm a bad loser and quite an arrogant s-o-b ...what're you going to do about it?

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Wednesday, February 18, 2004

when you fuck up, what do you do? sit down and cry in the hope that someone will come and pick you up? i don't think so. i've fallen so many times, cut my knees and elbows, took shit from so many, so what's new? vulgarities spew out in the verbal vomit as i pull myself up and fight, to face the challenge with even more grit than ever before. this time will be no exception.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Tuesday, February 17, 2004

i don't know why you need it glenn but its basically an adaption of Pslams 23 which reads, "Even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me, your road and your staff they comfort me." Yap sort of modified it to something along the lines of..." As you walk through the valley of shadow of death, you will fear no evil for you are surrounded by brothers who will fight for you, who will bleed for you..." the feelings that stirred in us i can still remember clearly though the old days do seem so far away.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, February 16, 2004

Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna
Blink 182 - Feeling This



posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, February 16, 2004

sometimes when you suffer in your solitude and indulge in the self pity, you fail to notice those around you who actually extend a hand in silence. building high walls of hatred keeps you in and you fail to see the many hands willing and ready to try and pull you out of the abyss you create for yourself. steadily you dig yourself into a hole you can't get out of, and then you realize the truest meaning of being lonely. for me, before these horrible barbed wired walls similar to that of Cold War Berlin enclose me in an iron curtain of cynicism and hate i stop building and grab the hands that have reached out to save me. thanks. it mattered.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, February 15, 2004