I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I like to laugh so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

excrept from Everclear - wonderful ....... can't find a better way to say how i feel

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, June 26, 2003

i just woke up thomas just called i missed weights. why can't i even control what time i wake up? i am losing control...i even lost control of the chance to go to the place where i feel the most in control of myself and what i am doing. why does life have to be like that


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, June 26, 2003

watch wrestling..if only life was simply bout getting beaten up and beating ppl up..but wait.. it actually is..just not always in a physical sense.

the jolts of pain down my nerves, i could feel it today. the pain has stimulated its growth. the pain has changed me. the pain will build me. the pain it will only grow it will never diminish. absorb the pain. draw strength from the pain. be the pain. they might look down on you but bear with it. when you unleash the pain on them they will break because they will never know the amount of pain you can deliver.

to all everyone out there who have studied but keep saying that we'll die together i would like to extend a big fuck you. ..|..

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, June 26, 2003

life should be like that.

8am: just woke up..oops late for weights at KATC with e safsa guys
9am: manage to chiong to kallang...surprising manz
11am: went to eat subway with desmond jit n thomas..ate a foot long sandwich..damn full
12pm: bought canterbury pants cause all of mine are torn den took a cab to jasper's house cause it was raining like shit
1230pm: got to his house and he was sleeping. had him help litte boy (me) dig out e econs notes on basis of supply from e stack mingjun lent him. did 15 questions of TYS den slacked. tried to advise thomas in CM on what players he should buy but he wouldn't listen say i guai lan for a little boy ( e banana man keeper was damn lousy whatz can let in goals when his rating is 8) hahaz jasper was sleeping like a log.
345pm: left jasper's house for YCK
4pm: had training..tiring... but felt good as always
8pm: got home
9pm: read some of e basis of supply notes
now slacking...lalala if only every school day was like that

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Wednesday, June 25, 2003

fear.

i was back where everything began and where the past continually replays itself. "big hit big game ... c'mon guys.." it sounded just like it all over again. at the end of our game which we won, the image of that day replayed itself in my mind. i saw them crying. but this time i didn't feel the collective effort and belief of wanting to go out and redress that wrong. i felt emptiness and fear. to put it simply, loneliness. where were they? *shrug* i don't even know. i dun want to be an empty promise. i dun want to come back and cry again. i dun know. now i am a confused soul. confused, believing in the past, mixed up piorities, toeing the line of condemnation and much more. i have to pick up the pieces of my life and get going again. how i am supposed to do that ? i dun know. maybe this is what causes so many people to falter at JC.... i dun want to be another casualty.

i wish i was like you......i wish you'll take me with you and fly away to the stars.....i wish i can be something more...i wish i can find you out there....i wish i wish i wish upon a falling star but will there be one for me tonight? i think not. because stars don't fall for cynics who question everything bout their life. cynic? idealist? i am crossing the fine line now. something i don't want to do. but i am being squeezed to. please let me turn back.please let me believe in everything i used to believe in. please. i beg you.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Tuesday, June 24, 2003

hui dao guo qu - Jay Chou

everyone says that the past was better, it was more fun, more relaxed, more everything positive. nostalgia. the past. someone else's past is something i dream of... my past is something i want back. i have heard so much of the past today. at hcjc studying with beebam, we just recounted almost every single memorable in our secondary school life, how i fought with james over chicken rice...zhaoxiang trying to throw the table at me cause of how i jacked him....many more... how classroom looked like, who sat where..... going home from the match against police with thomas n weinern i hear how rugby was such an exclusive thing how they imposing they were in school the "eat shit" PT session... something i wish i had... our team maybe quite close but its not that tight.. and within the j1s? i dun know its all a fucking blur. slackers hardworking chaps freeloaders -sigh- the safsa seniors say we need to do more gym.. i can't help but fucking agree...but....but....... never mind. justin said "be the inspiration" its not easy....sigh try to?.......still....the past is the best and when we look back on it we realize how much we miss it and how much we didn't cherish it then. that's how thrashy and shitty life is.

when you all leave i will be bloody sad. i think i'll even cry. -sigh- but still spread ur wings and fly. reach for the stars and pluck one for yourself. fulfill your dream. and maybe at the end of it you'll come back and save the cynic you left behind. the one trapped in his life of eternal conflict with himself and his view of the world.


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, June 23, 2003

Beach Boys - Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Jamaica
Off the Florida Keys
There's a place called Kokomo
That's where you wanna go to get away from it all
Bodies in the sand
Tropical drink melting in your hand
We'll be falling in love
To the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kokomo
Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo
To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique
We'll put out to sea
And we'll perfect our chemistry
By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity
Afternoon delight
Cocktails and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye
Give me a tropical contact high
Way down in Kokomo
Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo
Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse
Everybody knows
A little place like Kokomo
Now if you wanna go
And get away from it all
Go down to Kokomo
Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo
Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

i love this song. its practically my dream. i wonder when i'll get the chance i'll get to live this dream. i love the beach i love beach nightlife or maybe just a quiet stroll with the girl of my dreams.the salty sea breeze. there was this chinese show called xia re mo mo cha . summer Momo tea. something to do with the beach and love, can't remember the exact plot. but yeah off the Florida Keys , the carribean, that's where i want to go....... golden beaches...clear water... relaxed lifestyle...maybe there i'll find what i'm looking for. for now i endure the torment of life in Singapore. hope. i will never give up the hope of seeing this place. Kokomo. e land of my dreams



posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, June 22, 2003