been thinking about it.....and this are my goals. 95kg 15% body fat 2.4 timing 1030 pull ups 12

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Saturday, January 17, 2004

met my old friend ashley on e bus home from senior junior party. its good to meet old friends and be able to just slip back into the times long gone. apart from that the day just went by in a whirl, don't wanna describe but ya...gotta work harder. enough said. i'm real tired and need to sleep. i am so not in control now. dreams will not remain dreams.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Saturday, January 17, 2004

monster
that's what she says i am. the face, the body.the passing of each and every day brings me towards the perfection i look for. to her the rising and setting of every sun moves me more from being a normal son to an abomination. werewolves prowl on a full moon, but yet the moon doesn't show its eerie calm tonight. maybe the vampires are at work, drinking the blood of unwary victims that fall into their grasp. me. i'm no vampire and neither am i a werewolf. I am a zealot with an agenda.

cuts bleed but the sensations of pain are non-existant, the mind is tuned to the frequency of a trained killer & muscles trained to tear normal human beings apart. but what makes us most human is the heart. everything on the outside is cosmetic. soldiers that return from war look to loved ones to provide the tender care and concern that is sorely lacking on the field of battle where death and destruction reign supreme. even the toughest marine or green beret needs parents, brothers, sisters, loved ones to provide the kind of support that brotherhood in the chaos of war can't. i'm just a rugger teetering on the brink of manhood yet even support to do my best and all is hardly present. did my parents feel any pride when i got my national colours? i think they couldn't even be bothered. they think its all a lost cause. study that's the only way to success. now i say..."fuck you - were the greatest men who are revered or throughly hated by the future generations ever the greatest students ? " clearly the answer is no. the great students fall by the way side and are forgotten by history. they form the past but they do not constitute history that shapes mankind.

i have the impression that if i ever went to war to fight for something i truely believe in i would do it at the expense of a home that i can return to. this family knows nothing about pride, honour, glory, sacrifice, brotherhood. everything is cast in the prejudiced eyes of cynicism. vietnam war veterans gave their lives, their youth and their limbs for their country. but what did their country and family give to them? nothing but scorn. scorn is what i receive. their prejudiced judgement takes all and gives nothing back.

4. UNWELL
By R. Thomas

ALL DAY
STARING AT THE CEILING MAKING
FRIENDS WITH SHADOWS ON MY WALL
ALL NIGHT
I'M HEARING VOICES TELLING ME
THAT I SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP
BECAUSE TOMORROW MIGHT BE GOOD
FOR SOMETHING

HOLD ON
I'M FEELING LIKE I'M HEADED FOR A
BREAKDOWN
I DON'T KNOW WHY

I'M NOT CRAZY I'M JUST A LITTLE UNWELL
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU CAN'T TELL
BUT STAY AWHILE AND MAYBE THEN YOU'LL SEE
A DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME
I'M NOT CRAZY I'M JUST A LITTLE IMPAIRED
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T CARE
BUT SOON ENOUGH YOU'RE GONNA THINK OF ME
AND HOW I USED TO BE

SEE ME
TALKING TO MYSELF IN PUBLIC
AND DODGING GLANCES ON THE TRAIN
I KNOW
I KNOW THEY'VE ALL BEEN TALKING 'BOUT ME
I CAN HEAR THEM WHISPER
AND IT MAKES ME THINK THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG
WITH ME

OUT OF ALL THE HOURS THINKING
SOMEHOW
I'VE LOST MY MIND

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, January 15, 2004

life is boring. need some spice. -yawn-

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, January 12, 2004