being away from class really helps to give you some hope that life really isn't such a game as most cynics including the junren of 2003 would believe in. went to the police academy for the game with Police, *shrug* just didn't feel inspired to play, tried working hard but didn't really turn it on like i did when i played for SAFSA or the u19. its just difficult playing with people you hardly know. went to novena with the rj and vjc guys for dinner part I. hahaz it was sort of a bitch fest. damn fun.bingliang being the full of shit guy that he is and the glenn the usual idiot. shall not divulge the explicit details hehe. went to meet gillian belle and yax for dinner part 2 at marche.ter n josiah were there too. alright la it was quite fun apart from the huge gaping hole in my wallet at the end of it. on the way home met thomas on the bus...and he was with the legendary Mian Yi ayez one of the greats that i always hear of. its great talking to thomas after so many weeks just feels like the june holidays all over again. knowing seniors like that just inspire you to train harder just to keep up the tradition. hope thomas comes down to help out in the 10s. it'll be great working with him again. tomorrow's sunday meaning schools around the corner again. fuck man don't want to think about it. i so hate facing the class, well not all of them but at least some of them. like the one who complains about how i change the numbers in her phone book -yawn- call me mean call me shit it don't mean a fuck to me. i don't really give a damn how u feel its a sort of release of tension for me. aiya fuck class manz fuck the players...humanities scholars have to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...aiya fuck you la. jibai. i think i'll skip tuesday to do weights and eat sizzler...yeah manz sounds great


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Saturday, August 02, 2003

we must try to escape the game, live above it. but then again maybe escaping is just another way of playing the game? i don't know i don't want to ponder about it. i think i'm dead set on going to Canada to study after NS already since Georgetown really seems so out of reach. my progress report spells out the many reasons why. shit man what right do they have to judge me? they don't know who i am inside. the only side they see is the ugly side, the side that shows a lack of trust and feeling for the players of this game. today i realize i don't usually do these kind of stupid things to my other friends and i don't swear so much when i'm away from the class and the classroom too. oh well....they don't understand me... its ok at least i know people who do. thankfully for me.
just wonder if i should try to work and change his impression of me just for the sake of my university application. -shrug- i don't know. i'll have to think about it but i think that's hardly likely.....

anyway away from the painful academics and the class.....did stock taking with frodo today. counted jerseies and everything else. found a nice t-shirt that i can wear too. counted the jerseies from thomas's batch, jerseies from sijie's batch, and the emeralds. a seemingly trivial matter but i found some satisfaction in doing it. maybe its about getting the team logistics in order, maybe its the feeling that i am part of this tradition, i guess its a combination of both. did weights play touched and did some skills after that. ayez life seems so much easier and enjoyable outside of the classroom. -sigh- i seriously hate going for lessons. i am only awake for like mr. rollason and mc mcconnell's lessons...not that it would help mr mc.'s already greatly tainted perspective of me. -yawn- the weekend is here, i better enjoy myself while still getting all the homework done manz. ayez. thank god there's no school tomorrow, stupid scholarship day is not something i will attend.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Friday, August 01, 2003

Shakespeare, "all the world's a stage, the men and women merely players"

watched a freaky play today that somehow parralleled by own views of life. school life is just a game and all of us are merely players. not so much actors but more of players. people who are aware of the game play to win. but are we looking at this too much in clearly defined perspectives. is it appropriate? is it true?
i guess to a certain extent it is true and this is clearly illustrated in school, within each and every class such characters do exist, in supposed scholar classes this trend is more apparent. but there are those who are aware of the game being played but choose not to play and instead lead their life based on their own principles. some end up in the gutter as wash ups, others manage to pull through to a certain degree of success but still none of them will ever be able to match the true players. those with the excellent academic grades, recommendations and testimonials, millions of CIP hours, not to mention SUPPOSED impeccable character. those who the Singapore government pride as our future leaders, those on the scholarships. *cringes* yes its no wonder the country is becoming an unbearable place to live in. to be able to win the game it will take more than just hard work. crafty manipulation does play a major role too. i am not a player, unlike a large number of my classmates i do not choose to play. no it doesn't mean apathy demonstrated by the jock in the play. it just means that i'll live my life by my own principals and piorties and not the aim of winning the game: making it to havard yale, getting S papers. why? because i just can't trust players and i don't want to be one myself.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, July 31, 2003

utter incoherent mumblings

i have this niggling feeling, that i am the only one slacking in the class and i am going to have to pay for it. i realize this syndrome isn't something new in fact it existed back in secondary 4 too cause my class was damn hardworking but i eventually found capabale slackers like myself in james and diyan so that sort of made things better. now there's weiming. but *shrug* it doesn't seem to help. while i do weights, play IFG, slack around in the canteen, go for PE...yes even going for PE they'll be studying. shit. maybe i am just making ludricious guesses now that I have dead tired and have not started tutorial 11 or any of the essays. because we don't really have common friends and interests and so we hardly hang out together so how can i say that they're muggers if i ain't even sure that they're studying? argh i have no idea. most of us are just so different, with different aspirations and goals and perspectives of life, especially after i had my 180 degree change in attitude towards life hopes and dreams and became more of realist in the june holidays. no i still believe in dreams but to achieve them would really take an insane and immense amount of effort because nowadays grades are not the only things that count. we might get along ok but there are really few ( thankfully there is a small minority ) of people in the class that i actually trust totally and respect totally as a friend. shan't mention names but they should know who they are. after IFG, i seriously feel that i have more in common with people not from my class such as some of the hockey guys and people from the normal arts stream and that they are more of the kind of people that i like to hang around with compared to my class. maybe cause we're more interested in sports and having fun than studying i dun know, but it sure as hell is more comfortable, don't have to put up with listening to dreams of going to havard yale or whatever and taking 3 S papers and those lot of bullshit that doesn't really mean anything to me anymore. i don't know maybe i'm just too different from the class in too many aspects that's why. i guess the current loose arrangement is still the best. a peaceful relationship but nothing really close and so in the end i still hang out more with people who aren't my classmates and the few classmates that i am really close to.i wonder if i am actually making any sense here. but whatever just had to get if off my chest. whatever it is. better sleep now. Good night world and fuck you school tomorrow will be a better day=)


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Wednesday, July 30, 2003

stuck in a dreary week waiting for the weekend can be very draining. *eyes closing*..its barely 930 but i shall go sleep now....

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Tuesday, July 29, 2003

i'm starring another fucked up week in the face right now, i'm trying to find something to look forward to but i just can't find it. in 8 hours i'll be back in the classroom trying my best to grapple with the life that is running away from me. argh. be positive. study hard. play hard. and stop wasting time on the computer! argh jimmy's leaving soon, -sigh- . i ought to spend more time with him before he goes. i'll find some way. its late i better sleep now. good night world and fuck u school. ..|..

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, July 27, 2003