first day out with no trainings or anything botherin me..did weights by myself at CCK, met frodo at e gym. played lan with weiming at coro. met diyan diyang chub when they were lookin for a place to lan. went town after that...stoned around waiting for gabriel. the first pieces of my shopping list. WWE 2004 calender, rhcp greatest hits n new slippers. yeah..watched duplex n master n commander too.
got this from master n commander...

Russell Crowe: Do you want to call Napoleon your king! Do you want your children to learn how to sing Le Marseilles ?
crew: *(&%^*&%NO!!!!!

patriotism is indeed a power force when harnessed. Napoleon, Bismarck, Hitler, Churchill, Bush, Mussolini, Kennedy, Roosevelt are all classic examples of those who used this great power...some to further their own means others for a just cause. however patriotism will ebb especially if the people do not believe in the cause...furthermore patriotism can only be exploited when there are big threats looming. enough ranting for the night. tomorrow i'll do my first part in being a patriotic citizen by registering for national service n playin for my country.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Friday, November 28, 2003

in life, if you want something you go out and TAKE it. no matter the means. by doing that you've earned it. but even then, when everything's said and done, its important to give respect where respect is due.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, November 27, 2003

today, i changed the pattern. forced myself to wake up at 830am instead of the usual 1230pm. spent the day walking around queensway or slacking away at sherm's house. but that's not the point of this entry. thing is i'm hoping this will change my "sleep late wake up late" habits that have plagued me for a week. realize i really have a life that is essentially in a mess...no clara is right....i don't have a life. i missed the Matrix marathon...fair enough nobody was going...and i'm going to miss LOTR Marathon too because i'll be in KL. everyone is going for that. and who's going to miss LOTR??? by the time i come back everyone would have watched it !!!!! are there any equally poor souls who'll like to go with me after e 21st of dec? pls drop me a note. i have hardly gone out this holidays watching a GRAND total of 2 movies and i have not bought a single thing for myself apart from food ( tho yes i know i buy a lot of food to eat ) i just fucking hope its all worth it, sometimes i question if it is... i worked fuckin hard for it and i think i deserved it but you guys are right there are some of them who don't deserve that honour of donning that red jersey. those who can't even do a single proper push up. argh.....and i have settled my christmas plans. i am staying at home to watch VCDs of all the shows i've missed and drink 8 bottles of Jack Daniel's bourbon cola. viva la alchohol. when i told terence that he was like "what about your family?" i just said "i don't know..probably stoning at home."
will update the titles i'm gonna watch...so far only thought of 3... Terminator 3..turn left turn right...2 fast 2 furious...whoever's interested can come visit n haf some free bourbon coke...just let me know before hand so i'll buy more. but pls. NO FuCkinG CAROLLING.....i will stone people who sing carols outside of my abode.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Wednesday, November 26, 2003

just finished watching About A Boy...the movie adapted from the novel by Nick Hornby... thankfully it wasn't another crack me up inside romance story like my sassy girl. instead i would consider it an educational experience, at least for myself. the character i can identify with the most? yeah... its Will..the self centred liar who believes in the theory that man is an island contrary to whatever john milton had to say about it. just like Will, i'm a self centred bastard who leads an empty life that revolves around myself with a certain degree of hate about me. "its november 19...six weeks from x'mas...and they're already playing the bloody songs" familiar? and i think watching videos on my own on Christmas and getting drunk at the same time is really something that would be for someone like me. the first skill of nobody's going to make me happy but myself is well and truely mastered. however the an exam on the second skill, which is needing other people in your HEART as in truely caring for the person to make your life fulfilling, would definitely yield an F grade. now if you wanted to do something you have to mean it too... its like you can't go on a date with someone if you're not even interested. valuable lessons garnered from the movie. what does this all add up to for me? pretty much nothing actually. just shows i really gotta rework and rethink my life. find a purpose and a direction...ok i do have one but i need something deeper. without love all you got left is hate.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, November 24, 2003

on the bus ride home from town, i was groggy and falling asleep. however when i saw the x'mas lights i just couldn't help but sigh. can still remember the first time mum brought me to see the lights when i was a kid. it was after sending dad off on his usual business trips that he used to take to faraway places whose names i was already familiar with then but just couldn't point out on the map. maybe its just me but memory tells me that the decorations and lightings used to be more glamourous and dazzling than they are these days. the first remainder of how life has become worse with the increased number of concerns, none bringing any significant amount of simple joy. then mum drove me along orchard road as i stared in awe and bewilderment. x'mas songs playing on the car stereo. now i look up at the supposed "pretty lights" and utter curses of disgusts as i ride by myself in the public bus with only the "hate" rap of Eminem playin on my disc man. look at how much life has changed...

upon reaching home I found strangers and no dinner in the house. no matter, i just poured myself some breakfast cereal and milk...that's dinner. no questions asked...well not until that stupid woman came in and asked me why i only eat breakfast cereal for dinner and i had to point out that there was "no bloody fucking dinner so fuck off and leave me alone." a long time ago, mum & dad's friends were uncle this auntie that. now i just mutter "who the fuck is this?" under my breath without even greeting them. well not like they were anybody i had ever met before. just this afternoon when i came home from u19 training in the noon sun looking baked and with blood shot eyes they stared at me like they just saw some hell spawn. what the fuck. never seen a problem kid before zit? whose house is this for crying out loud. i could tear them limb from limb that very moment. life changes. inevitable. but i just feel abandoned in some manner and i'm looking for some kind of substitute but am unable to find it. thankfully my guy friends are always there with unrelenting support. maybe i'm just being greedy but nowadays it just does not suffice anymore. i swear if i ever become a parent i'll never attempt to follow anything similar to the form of parenting i've been through...utter nonsense...just makes fucked up kids.

now life ain't really such a mess totally.watched looney tunes with chia. yes. why when ever i go with you we end up watching gay movies. don't blame me, our timing always wrong go when there's only gay movies or unknown scary movies of doubtful quality. training was fun too like it always is. the cartharsis of my life. not to mention i made it to the squad that leaves for bangkok on december 6th and the ARFU in KL after that! whoopie!


posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, November 23, 2003