"do you have any pride? you just lost to our greatest rivals and you're here taking photos?"
you said it has nothing to do about pride. you're wrong, rugby is everything about pride. pride in the colours you don, pride in the brothers you're playing with and playing for. they sat there dazed and stunned while you were smug, taking photos, happy that you scored a try. maybe it did not occur to you but your team just lost. the fact that you aren't even ashamed and sad because of defeat is plain disgusting. if you have no pride off the field, how're you supposed to have any pride on it? and pride is not about saying that "i'm a rugger", its a belief that you are sorely lacking. what kind of an answer is "hopefully" to the question "can we win this year?" maybe its your beliefs or maybe its just you, but seriously i wouldn't want to play with a teammate who lacks any passion and pride in his team. and you're like that, a disgrace to raffles rugby. the cheer goes "one for all, all for one." think you don't understand the first part of it. if you ain't happy with what i'm saying, too bad. don't bother talking to me cause i ain't got anything to say to you. its about time for you to do some soul searching & realize that your self-righteous individual attitude stinks.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Saturday, March 13, 2004

i'm such a disappointment ain't i ? my life's a muddle and a mess. things that used to mean so much are suddenly put in doubt. yesterday at the pull up bar i just felt like crying. there's a saying what goes around comes around. is this what its supposed to be ? what about the hardwork i put in? fucked up. damnit. self pity isn't going to do me much good. furthermore i don't even know what i want to do with my future. yesterday they were giving out the scholarship materials but i just wasn't interested in any of them after looking through. they were all deskjobs, even if it was a SAF scholarship i would never get to put what i would train for into application. i just feel like i've been born into the wrong country, went to the wrong school and everything. arghz. i might as well ask to negate my own birth. just don't like everything that's going on. i just got to try and change it.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, March 11, 2004

Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I'm through
Bleeding for you

I'm open wide
I want to take you home
We'll waste some time
You're the only one for me

Garbage - you look so fine

this agony will be over soon. i will transfer all this pain to you.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Thursday, March 11, 2004

life's never fair. this is all fucked up. i won't let it go because i am better than you. you don't deserve it. i am a bad loser. but so what? i have more pride and i put in more effort than you. this is just not right. its NOT FUCKING RIGHT YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND>? ARE YOU BLIND? ARE YOU TOO ? i'm not letting it go, there'll be a response from me, don't you doubt it. i will leave you withering in pain. you don't deserve it. you have no pride in those colours, you have no right to them ahead of me.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Tuesday, March 09, 2004

But I can see you
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back
and Sunglasses on, baby

And I can tell you
my love for you will still be strong
after the
Boys of Summer
have gone

I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy
Remember how I made you scream
Now I don't understand
What happened to our love
But babe, Im gonna get you back
Im gonna show you what I'm made of

I can see you
your brown skin shinin' in the sun
I see you walkin' real slow you're
Smilin' at everyone

DJ Sammy - Boys Of Summer

addicted to this song somehow, its damn cool. i can see you your brown skin shining in the sun.... life could be like that.
tomorrow is just another battle in a long protracted war..we fight to win...but even if we lose...the war is not lost. not yet.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Monday, March 08, 2004

twice this week i mentioned cockroaches. indeed i feel like one right now,they knew they were going to survive whatever killed off the dinos n the ice age sabertooths n other wooly folks but they never knew how. similarly i know that i'll survive this life that's spinning out of control but not sure how to go about doing that. i guess when you grow up, nothing's simple anymore. i'm losing grip of my life, losing sight of all my dreams , like sand its slipping through my clenched fist. my academics are drowning and the thought of dropping the S paper is never far from my mind, am i even capable of getting a distinction in this stupid system? i don't even think i'm capable of getting my 4As as of now. on e way to the bath on thursday night was talking to josiah about the shitty system, damn it sure as hell sucks but what can we do about it? nothing. in the states they start school at 9 end at 3, train till 6+ and go home to some deserved relaxation. doesn't happen here. people always say America ain't that great at all..blah blah...my take is that its a land of opportunities, if you've got the skills, the abilities you'll be able to carve out a future for yourself and your family. rugged individualism. the American dream. yeah, so all i can do now is work hard and ensure my kids won't have to put up with the sort of insanity i'm going through. rugby used to be a kind of release now its become another fear. -shrug- its a huge blur too, i'm going to get dropped from the 7s squad. and that's e least of my worries. admin's fucked up no camp, no tour ..|.. what happened to the 1.5 million dollar nonsense. this team needs and deserves a trip to gel. tziyang's right i am full of angst. i do seem to be in a mood to pick fights, to piss people off. gotta take control of my life. its not going to turn out like the nirvana song..."life's never been so swell, i've never failed to fail." i won't let it.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, March 07, 2004