when the lights went out and the entire region was blacked out, i really thought we were going to get chiong-ed by Malaysia considering the close proxmity of my house and mindef. the images of malaysian paratroopers and bombers in the sky actually occured to me. i even saw images of zhihon in a malaysian army uniform when i tried to continue sleeping. that thought disturbed me, and i lit a candle n tried to call ppl. candle. yes gillian back to caveman times =P but at least it works. all couldn't get through to those who lived nearby, finally i tried gillian n got through. tried to bullshit her with the "malaysia is chiong-ing us" theory which sadly din work. i even told my dad that terrorists were going to chiong the American embassy or Goh Chok Tong's house near chinese high. sigh. if either one worked out...i wouldn't have had to go to another terrible day of sch, which quote the communist gillian is "anal and repressive." blah still have to do homework now. ....

on the more serious side of things, had a chat with mr kwok today and for probably the first time in close to 1 year and 4 mths what he said actually made a lot of sense. maybe what he says during lectures n tutorials make sense too but i'm just a lazy bastard who fails to heed any advice. as my ma put its it, "let him bang the wall and die." my sucidal attempt during the history CTs and my impression that my grades don't matter was pure childish ignorance. still seriously contemplating dropping history S, i can't even cope with history A lvl...and besides i find history S abhorrently difficult because of the immense time and effort that needs to be put into it, i don't think i can give that too. this has gotta be done as like academia pursuit in university where i probably won't be playing rugby anymore and with shorter school days will be able to camp in the enormous n splendid library of Georgetown/Yale/Columbia/British Columbia uni ( i dream.... n still dream impossible dreams.) to read up and organize research. blah. can't throw away academics, gotta be disciplined n start doing some work. if the seniors before me could do it, i guess i can try to too.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Wednesday, April 14, 2004

-shrug- still not totally well. but at least condition is improving, with more hope on the horizon. a fascinating injection recommended by tziyang that will burn away all the viral infestation. amusing sms-s.

tziyang: ( on the injection ) its an evil motherfucker from hell. but so are you so it should do you quite some good.
just take it...you'll become hellboy.

evil motherfucker part probably stemmed from the fact that i said "my sympathies don't extend to the rugby field" bout the poor dude n his dad. n i haven't watched the movie yet but it doesn't really matter. if by tomorrow morning i'm still sneezing and coughing... its time to go and accquire the poison. can't afford to waste anymore time. hopefully it'll never come to that though. i fear it will be somewhat like a stim pack. yeah just like the injections u give the Marines in Starcraft.

zhihon: maybe you're right. but for now, its all that matters.

the only way to get anywhere is hard work and now i'm fighting for the 3 to 4 days to repair the hardware and bring it back up to 100% operational levels. you know....people were never born to be rugby players ( maybe there are the exceptions like david, raihan, adil, pravin, firas n maybe josiah n alvin.t ---> that's our backline? *gasp*) most of us trained to be one. ok fine, most forwards train to be one. =P training breeds confidence. and confidence breeds success. now get me back onto the playing field and back into the gym. poisonous scum i have no more time to lose.



posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Tuesday, April 13, 2004

i think i spent ALL my money at a 7-11 on palawan beach during the camp, just kept snacking and buying drinks. if only i wasn't sick, i would have enjoyed the camp so much more. trainings wouldn't have been pure torture too. goin to see the doctor again tomorrow, must get well ASAP. i gotta play rugby, its what means the most to me now.

it invades my dreams, clouds my mind and dominates my thoughts. i want to be the best, i've got to be shining in the last 10 mins when others fade. victory goes to those who are relentless in their pursuit. i want to leave you dead in my tracks. i want to leave you crying at the agony of your loss and the pain of a dislocated shoulder, or broken limb or better still, a concussion from a head on collison with a human bullet train. to stain the blue n yellow, maroon red with their own blood, i'll willingly do anything. i'm an angsty monster on a mission.

posted by Down the rabbit hole we go. at Sunday, April 11, 2004